Written on May, 29.

It all feels like a dream now..Back that day, I can`t believe I spent a year there…I met so many people and have seen so many places. I can`t believe I’m back either. Im not. Fallen in Recife. I feel homeless…Have no reference of home sweet home anymore. Now, I ask myself, was that worthy in the end? 365 days of happiness, love, wanderslust being satisfied, friendship, homesickness, hunger, hangover, hate, smiles and tears. Snow, sun, rain, flower and my bike. Yeah, my bike. I miss it so badly! More than I miss people, how is that possible?? Have I got a cold heart now? I think so.

I remember when I first stepped on that flat country. YEAH, the dream was dead right and I would go places never dreamt before. I would see people and taste kisses, bad and good tastes in my mouth. Wandering on the red light district, smell and try weed (not for the first time), thinking I would die, but I fortunately didn’t. After that, the crazy country that doesn’t speak the same fucking language..Dutch? French or something else? Come on, Alstublieft..you are driving me crazy! The song says `home is wherever I`m with you`..that reminds me of him. And he reminds me of somebody else. U2 land, too many Brazilians and Dr House`s face. We would meet again in November…Jesus… he could have been the one. Im Horny!!! be-ne-LUX …beautiful! Hablas español? Quedeme enferma! Money…money…Love it! Viva la France…La tour…and the like… That was really something! Summer in Paris…couldn’t have guessed! The Parthenon, Italians, Australians, Brazilians, of course. Motorcycle riding…40 degrees..mojitos! Lost havaianas on the sea… I managed to have them back. Not the time..time goes by, life gets heavy. Metallica…The Unforgiven, maybe that`s what I am. I cant account for my mistakes. She is gone…I`m sick…horns of a dilemma. Jesus! Emails..emails…skype, food, Nutella, orange juice, new friend, maps, yeah, yeah. Stop…Im going crazy. My little dutch friend, I think I.. I…well, Ik hou van u…coz you are the cutiest. Oxford…Alice in wonderland…

Oh, darling, darling..I shall be too late. Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here? That depends a good deal on where you want to get to I don't much care where. Then it doesn't much matter which way you go. …so long as I get somewhere. Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.


Ops..sorry, have to hang up. Berlin is calling. I feel weird. I wanna go home. Autumn has begun, don’t like it. Homesickness… Homesickness… Homesickness… I AMSTERDAM… Life is good. = ) Vernanda… Crazy dutch guy gives us a ride. We kiss. Rainy Sunday, under an umbrella…no, this is not love. Love is sharing an umbrella on a rainy day, we just kiss. I like it…confusion, he is confused too. Moving on...moving on… LONDON… speechless. I knew it. Shiiiiiit. I`m 25! No way, you must be kidding me. Time flies when you are having fun indeed! LONDON…LONDON…LOND…LONG..LONGING… Christmas time..no snow for Vivian. It`s 2 o`clock, let`s go for a walk and see snow for the first time. Playground, swing, mary-go-round….round..round. Im spinning. Lets go home. See ya around, baby! I can..I cant…should I? Could I? Fuck this shit! I wanna be happy! Forbidden fruit. Vicky Cristina Barcelona…black spot though. Te quiero, no te quiero mas…no lo sé, Vi. Counting down...counting down...I miss mom. I miss them all! Chico Buarque in Budapeste. Hungarians, Kosta José. It`s yellow. Irish pub, fights, hugs, we love, we hate, girls..girls..just wanna have fun. We are living in Californication. Why do I keep going there? La salsa? Si, me encanta! Mexicans..soap operas..food, wine, sombreiros, amigos, music. We are alive!! No drama, please! Happiness... Carnival time...let`s californicate, Mother fuuuuuckeeeer! Forbidden fruit tastes better. Prague…my uncle, my cousin. Marriage. Bridge, beer, lockers. Im locked! Please, unlock me. Clinging… Mamma Mia! Life is changing….dont wanna talk anymore. Hotel rooms…champagne, wine, wine, vino, vinho…dulce, por favore! Counting down…counting down… Je suis…oh, desolee..HA- HA- HA. No, I`m not. Last month..Im happy. So is she…lets take a stroll, London?? Hell, yeah! Party, party, party, party, party, party..stomach hurts. One more cigarrete will make you good. March…the 20`s. Dream is over. It`s gonna work coz Im pushing it right. Dog days are over. Lets party one more time. I`m going home. Portuguese, French, DJ`s, flags, bikes. Nice dinner...mixed up. I laugh at myself. Have love, I will travel. Love me two times. Girls just wanna have fun. Im going home and I don’t ask for much these days and I don’t bitch and whine if I don’t get things my way and Im keeping my secrets mine.. Gotta say bye to…to whon? Home is where I belong with you… a flight away from love. Counting down….I read a book. I`m almost there, mama, sister, papa. Kissgoodbye.
Imkeepingmysecretsmine.